Theology of Heavy Metal
Disclaimer: No, the following isn't factual, or serious, you idiots
The academic society of the Ancient Greeks was very influential on the language that we use in our own academic society today. The word 'Theology' is a combination of the Greek words 'Theo' - meaning 'God', and 'Logos' - meaning 'word' - or alternatively; 'reason'. Today we have the suffix 'ology' which we find in words like 'Biology', 'Astrology', 'Cosmology' and of course 'Theology'. Theology is therefore 'Word about God', 'Reasoning about God' or even 'Science of God' given current meaning.
The Ancient Greeks also believed in the Pantheon - 'Pan' meaning 'All' and 'Theo' again - 'God'. The Pantheon is all of the Gods: Zeus, Aries, Prometheus etcetera. It is known that Aries was the God of war, Dionysus the god of wine, and so on. In this way the Greeks were able to account for whatever phenomena they wished, by attributing to a particular Deity.
It is by this Analogy that the existence of the God of Heavy Metal - Zoldon, can be understood. There are some key differences however. Zoldon is God primarily of heavy metal, and can also consistently be referred to as the God of such abstract concepts as darkness, hate, and the dead. Also, Zoldon has nothing to do specifically with the Greeks and Greek Mythology, ancient or otherwise. He exists in relation to all humankind, in much the same way as the God of major monotheistic (mono = one, theistic = belief in god/gods) religions. It is believed that he has no peers.
Just as we discover in the theology of monotheistic religions, Zoldon does not exist physically in the universe which humankind does. However, he does in fact exist physically: in another universe! This universe is known as the Dimension of Metal. In the Dimension of Metal, time and space do not conform to the same physical regularities observable in our own universe. We do know, however, that there is such thing as physical form there, and that Zoldon himself takes up residence.
The Dimension of Metal is a single 'Planet' like location, roughly in the shape of a disc, hundreds of thousands of miles in diameter. The vacuous, empty Void surrounding it stretches indefinitely and is commonly referred to as the Eternal Abyss. The surface of this 'landmass' is mostly barren, lifeless wasteland. The most important landmark upon which is an immense city-fortress, at the heart of which Zoldon himself holds court.
The following is a basic summary of important facts regarding Zoldon, the God of Heavy Metal
- Zoldon is the God of Heavy Metal, but is also concerned with Darkness, Hate, and the Dead.
- He exists physically in the Dimension of Metal.
- His throne is located within a palace that is within a large city-fortress.
(Although he has never left this location in recorded history, it is assumed that he can)
- Zoldon, while standing, is approximately 600 feet tall.
- His eyes are gigantic burning coals.
- He spends the majority of his time sitting upon an object known as the throne of darkness, passing judgment before his court.
- Any blasphemy condemned by the court of Zoldon is inevitably punishable by torture.
- Capital punishment is lawful under the rule of Zoldon. He is known to act as the executioner himself.
- Serious offenders can under extreme circumstances be consigned to an eternity in the abyss surrounding the Dimension of Metal itself.
- Zoldon enjoys drinking from an object known as the 'Chalice of Malice'. Preferred beverage is a mix of blood, Malice, and Souls.
- His Weapon of preference is an object known as 'Lifeslayer'. It is unclear whether this object is a sword or an electric guitar.
- According to Legend, Zoldon has employed the services of a champion known only as Korg, Master of the Keyboard.
- The city-fortress that guards his Palace is garrisoned by an army of the dead. They are able to exit in haste via the city Gates.
- It is known that Zoldon is working on a plan of some kind that will have dire ramifications. Details unknown.
Resources:
http://www.mythweb.com/encyc/index.html